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Why Your Self-Esteem Should Flow from God

My Testimony of God’s Grace

     It was 2:30 am when the police woke our family to let us know that my older brother had been killed in an automobile accident. My life has never been the same since.

     It felt as though God had abandoned me, or at least forgotten that I was here. I was angry at God and purposefully walked away. I remember telling Him that I wanted Him to leave me alone and let me go. An amazing thing happened, He did.

     I spent the next decade living life for myself, bitter at God, Christians, churches and anyone who would talk about how good God was. Not knowing how to deal with the searing pain and emotional upheaval that my emotions continually brought to me, I began to deaden them more and more with substance abuse. I am a very driven person, and the thoughts of alcoholics and addicts disgusted me. I always wondered why these people couldn’t just straighten out their lives and quit being a drain on society. Then I found myself in both categories. Here I was a 25 year old alcoholic addict with depression and suicidal tendencies, it seems God had given me what I asked for, I was finally alone.

     On December 17th, out of desperation, I picked up a Bible for the first time and read for myself. It was the first time I truly understood that God had created me for Himself, that even through the pain of life He understood and felt that pain with me, and that Christ had come in order that He might have the first place in my life, to dwell in me through faith and walk with me through the trials of life. I asked God that night to forgive me, to take my wasted life and use it if He could for something beautiful. Little did I know that He was about to take me on a journey I couldn’t have dreamed of even if I wanted.

     Within a month I moved to Texas from Oregon to attend a Bible school there. He used that year to confirm, strengthen and grow me. He slowly changed my desires, thoughts and actions to be more like Christ. He then took me to South Carolina to a seminary there to continue to study the Bible and grow.  I had never dreamed of, nor had I ever wanted to be a pastor, they always seemed very goofy to me; I didn’t want to be goofy. It was in South Carolina that God put it in my heart to major in pastoral ministries, and He gave me a passion to pursue it. I graduated and am now the pastor at a church here in Texas and God is continuing to grow, strengthen and change me into the image of His Son. Even today as I write these words it amazes me what God can do when we surrender our lives to Him, put our faith in His Son. He truly does give us beauty for our ashes.

                                                                                                        - D.T.

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